Hi,my name is carol I’m 28 years old and a long relationship with depression,anxiety,panic attacks and insomnia.
I am so desperate to feel normal,happy,healthy,content and not have to keep numb my feelings with drugs forever.
My dad died when I was 13years old,and he was my everything,my mom was never a mom,couldn’t care any less.My dad and I would do everything together,and he loved me so much,we had such a strong connection.the day he passed away I was supposed to be with him but I was 10 minutes late and he had already left.
There is a lot more to this story,but I will try to keep it short.My mom went to the hospital and called me saying that my dad was getting the discharged papers and coming home….about 2 hours later I found out that he had been dead since the car accident….she gave me a false happiness and took it from me in a minute…it was like I could no longer breathe,I was screaming,couldn’t stand up,sit or lay down.That was the beginning of my hell.
My dad owned famacies in Brazil,so everytime I cried,my mom would medicated me so she wouldn’t have to deal with my emotions.Its been almost 16 years since my hero was taking from me,and not one day goes by that I don’t think of him,his face,his voice….he was funny too! I have cut myself to release the emotional pain,I have serious panic attacks and anxiety since then. I have tried Zoloft, Prozac, lexapro, Xanax, buspar, celexa, clonazepam, depakote, trazadon, lamictal, Seraquel, Effexor. I am very sensitive to any meds,I always get the side effects…
I don’t drink,never did any street drugs,no overdose.
I am beyond sad,my anxiety won’t allow me to sleep,and if I do, I woke up more tired than when I went to bed. i feel bad about myself, my ex husband used to physically abused me, I grew up alone, my mom never talked with me about sex, drugs, relationships or the way I felt about my dad. i don’t feel loved, I miss my dad way too much….I also have restless leg syndrome. I’m begging for help, I’m done waking up sad.
I recently broke up with a boyfriend and I blame all on me because he is such an amazing person, who never hurt me. Im also struggling big time with money…. last night I cried till 3am panicking…. I’m afraid to be alone, afraid my grandparents will die…. I could go on forever with my problems. And my mom stole 30,000 from my savings account the money I worked so hard to save so I could finished my education.