Depression Story By: RabidDoll

My name is Renea, I am twenty years old.. about to turn twenty one in november. My sister(26yrs old) is pregnant (7mo) and I have always dreamed of being an aunt. I found out he will be a beautiful little boy and also that I will never be allowed to be a part of his life, because she thinks I am too busy to even see her. ”You will never be allowed to be a part of my sons life.” I am twenty years old, I dont live in the same city as her and I am NOT the one who moved so far .. Our lack of a proper child hood could be the severe cause of this issue. I was never so close to her, and every secret I have told her has gone around all of her friends and back to me. Im sad and confused because no matter how many times I have tried, and my parents have tried, she has never came around to trying to being nice to me and considering I’m young, going to school, and trying to live my life also.. The last time I was going to hang out with her, was me about to go pick her up and take her to this beautiful park to take pictures of her and her pregnant belly. She is so beautiful pregnant… I have cut myself twelve times.. probably more. I’m counting scars and new wounds of what I can see infront of me right now. I cry to my boyfriend, but he doesnt understand. I cry to my mom but she says she and my father wont pick sides. Im desperate to see a solution that will never come. And i fear im close to my breaking point.. I told my love I didnt want to be in this body anymore.. and that im just hollow. The only thing keeping me in this life of misery and pain is to find my own way out. Which scares me but at the same time relieves me. I want so badly for someone to love me… and to make me feel like im more than another wasteful creature. I have on more than one occasion tried to cut deep enough but im afraid. I dont want to be judged if I fail. My friends already snicker under their breaths when I tell them how horribly serious I am about my depression… Lexapro has only helped so much.. until I ran out. Where did I go wrong that I deserved this mess?

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